Over the past year, some of my closest friends have heard me make this statement time and time again, "I am in a unique place right now. On one hand, my ministry is taking off, on the other hand, I feel like I've hit the ceiling with the gifts and abilities God has given me. I'm not unorganized; I'm moderately organized, but only moderately so. I'm very disciplined, but it seems that in order to keep up with the demands on my time, I need a new way to function. I have a basic level of intellect, but it seems I need far more education than what I now possess. In every way, I feel like I'm on the edge of the land and facing the Red Sea. And yet, in no uncertain terms, I sense that God is telling me to wait on and rest in Him." 

Ever feel this way? It's not the most comfortable place to rest, is it?

I have rested here, and I've wrestled here. I've found peace and faith in this place and I've felt great fear and self awareness here.

This weekend on the way home from church I was praying and asking God, "Help me to be faithful in this place." Because, you see, one the outside, I am busy as ever, I'm working hard, and great things are happening in my ministry. But on the inside, I'm trying to rest while constantly pondering, "things are moving fast; will I be able to keep up?" "and " how will I get there?" and "I'm not qualified for any of this!"

Deep in my heart I know that God uses us not because we're qualified but because He's called us. He chooses the foolish to shame the wise. We humans have a strong tendency to trust in ourselves, to take the credit, and to rely on our own strength. We rely on our own strength that is, until it fails us, and then with arms flailing, we run back to our Refuge because He is an ever-present help in times of trouble.

On the way home from church I prayed and I watched the trees whip by in a blur. Suddenly that still small voice whispered across my heart, "I've heard your prayers for a fresh touch from Me. You're in a cocoon right now. Soon you'll break through to a new place and I'll give you wings to help you get where I am taking you."

I can't tell you what that little piece of wisdom did for me!

It made perfect sense.

I was 'hitting the ceiling' because, in a new way, I had come to the end of myself and realized, on a deeper level, my need for more of God in me. I also need to sharpen my skills and hone my craft. I've got a lot of growing to do.

When God has you in a waiting place, or a cramped circumstance, it's easy to forget the promise on the other side of this season. The temptation during such a time is to focus inward. 

Before God spoke those precious words to me, I felt surrounded and cocooned by my own smallness and limited ability. I felt frustrated by my own weakness and the many ways in which I was lacking certain gifts. 

God uses nature to teach us many things, and this lesson to me, is divine. About 24 hours before the chrysalis (the cocooned monarch) breaks free, the cocoon becomes transparent from the outside. On the inside, I'm sure the Monarch is thinking, "Get me outta here; I'd rather be crawling than stuck in this cramped place!" but on the outside, others see the promise before it comes to pass. Through the transparent film, one can see the beautiful wings, and a butterfly that was once a land-loving caterpillar.  

Though I've been feeling cramped by my own humanity, my closest friends have seen the butterfly in me. They are quick to tell me what they see and this encourages me greatly.

So when thoughts of inadequacy come my way, I will push back and declare that God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever!

And when you feel cramped by the smallness of your life, declare that God WILL bring you out to a spacious place and He will put a new song in your heart!

If you're feeling pressed in on all sides, be encouraged. God knows your name and He knows where you live. Don't focus inward, focus on Him. And with all of your heart, soul, and strength, sing this song:

"...We also, should walk in the newness of life" (Romans 6:4).

Until next week~

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