Transformation...

Greetings, Dear Friends!

And to those visiting, I say welcome! 

Susie Larson here...

I post every Wednesday and my sole purpose is to nourish your soul along the way. I also like to give away fun treats so if you post on my blog, you may win a $10.00 gift card from Caribou. Next week I'll award the winner for June.

And be sure to visit during the month of August because I have something GREAT to give away. More info to come.

And now on to my topic...

Over the past year, some of my closest friends have heard me make this statement time and time again, "I am in a unique place right now. On one hand, my ministry is taking off, on the other hand, I feel like I've hit the ceiling with the gifts and abilities God has given me. I'm not unorganized; I'm moderately organized, but only moderately so. I'm very disciplined, but it seems that in order to keep up with the demands on my time, I need a new way to function. I have a basic level of intellect, but it seems I need far more education than what I now possess. In every way, I feel like I'm on the edge of the land and facing the Red Sea. And yet, in no uncertain terms, I sense that God is telling me to wait on and rest in Him." 

Ever feel this way? It's not the most comfortable place to rest, is it?

I have rested here, and I've wrestled here. I've found peace and faith in this place and I've felt great fear and self awareness here.

This weekend on the way home from church I was praying and asking God, "Help me to be faithful in this place." Because, you see, one the outside, I am busy as ever, I'm working hard, and great things are happening in my ministry. But on the inside, I'm trying to rest while constantly pondering, "things are moving fast; will I be able to keep up?" "and " how will I get there?" and "I'm not qualified for any of this!"

Deep in my heart I know that God uses us not because we're qualified but because He's called us. He chooses the foolish to shame the wise. We humans have a strong tendency to trust in ourselves, to take the credit, and to rely on our own strength. We rely on our own strength that is, until it fails us, and then with arms flailing, we run back to our Refuge because He is an ever-present help in times of trouble.

On the way home from church I prayed and I watched the trees whip by in a blur. Suddenly that still small voice whispered across my heart, "I've heard your prayers for a fresh touch from Me. You're in a cocoon right now. Soon you'll break through to a new place and I'll give you wings to help you get where I am taking you."

I can't tell you what that little piece of wisdom did for me!

It made perfect sense.

I was 'hitting the ceiling' because, in a new way, I had come to the end of myself and realized, on a deeper level, my need for more of God in me. I also need to sharpen my skills and hone my craft. I've got a lot of growing to do.

When God has you in a waiting place, or a cramped circumstance, it's easy to forget the promise on the other side of this season. The temptation during such a time is to focus inward. 

Before God spoke those precious words to me, I felt surrounded and cocooned by my own smallness and limited ability. I felt frustrated by my own weakness and the many ways in which I was lacking certain gifts. 

God uses nature to teach us many things, and this lesson to me, is divine. About 24 hours before the chrysalis (the cocooned monarch) breaks free, the cocoon becomes transparent from the outside. On the inside, I'm sure the Monarch is thinking, "Get me outta here; I'd rather be crawling than stuck in this cramped place!" but on the outside, others see the promise before it comes to pass. Through the transparent film, one can see the beautiful wings, and a butterfly that was once a land-loving caterpillar.  

Though I've been feeling cramped by my own humanity, my closest friends have seen the butterfly in me. They are quick to tell me what they see and this encourages me greatly.

So when thoughts of inadequacy come my way, I will push back and declare that God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever!

And when you feel cramped by the smallness of your life, declare that God WILL bring you out to a spacious place and He will put a new song in your heart!

If you're feeling pressed in on all sides, be encouraged. God knows your name and He knows where you live. Don't focus inward, focus on Him. And with all of your heart, soul, and strength, sing this song:

Soon I will fly.

Soon I will do the things God has destined for me.

Right now I declare my worth!

I am alive in Christ!

Though I'm not much from the world's view,

I am everything to Him

And I am made for great things.

I'm not who I was

I'm not what I do

I'm someone He enjoys

I'm not who I will be

I'm not what I should be

But I'm everything to Him

He sees who I am

He sees who I can be

He holds me close to His heart

And soon I will fly...

"...We also, should walk in the newness of life" (Romans 6:4).

Until next week~

Comments

[Little Black Dress]

Your last two posts have intrigued me.

Last week: Was my dream from God? Is it dying?

For each of the few drops of joy and delight that come, there are buckets of unfulfilled longing and sadness. But if it was put there by God, then there is a point to the waiting and the tears; the waiting IS actually waiting, and not just a silly waste of emotion.

This week: Am I trapped in a cocoon, or is it a straight-jacket?

If a cocoon, then He has something planned for me beyond the humiliation and failure, and frustration and rejection of this past year and a half. And the longer I stay inside, the more fully developed I will be when I finally emerge. (And then on to the next area of metamorphoses.)

I really feel it sometimes... like I am on the edge of something amazing. It scares me beyond anything I can express. If I open my eyes and it's just a cliff, it will kill me. Is it going to look like a cliff no matter what? Is the secret that I will have wings then?

And this: God enjoys me...?

Yes, He joys over me with singing. I wish I felt it, and didn't just know it.

I know at the core of my problem is my sorry prayer life... I lack the heart to stick with it. I want to push past the "I feel nothing" but I have this horrible fear that prayer will never be for me what it is for you; and that I will have labored in vain and never end up feeling anything. The worst temptation I have is the idea that He thinks about me as little as possible. And what I feel coming back in my prayers is like a confirmation that I am in the center of His indifference.

I guess my enemy knows this about me.... and about the nature of prayer...?

If you have even two seconds, will you pray? I thought I was a mature Christian, but I feel really nuts right now.

You seem to be a long sought friend.

[Kathy]

Susie, I can relate just in the vision of dreams. They are scary. Will I proceed correctly? Will I run ahead of God and make a mess...worse humiliate myself in the process...

Then, the Holy Spirit-so faithful, reminds us of the voice of Truth. Peace.

I just returned from the "She Speaks" confrence. I picked up a book there. If you haven't read it, it might be just the fresh breath you need. Not a long read either..."i am not, but i know I AM" by Louie Giglio.Blessings and peace to you,love, Kathy

[Rebecca]

Great song! Who sings it?I Love what the Holy Spirit spoke to you:) Praise God!Peace ~Rebecca

[Cherie Wilson]

I'm tickled inside out at your post about our state of waiting and rest before our chrysalis. I feel it too, Susie! He just calls me to "bask in His love for awhile.........then in time, for me to pour out to others beyond measure"Sounds like you too~How exciting! How God!I love you!!!!!!!!!Praying for you sister & Thankyou, I have felt yours too, here from South Union Church in Indiana. God bless:)

[kuiken]

Susie, congratulations on your new book!! you are an inspiration and such a fabulous woman and we treasure all the gifts and abilities that God has wrapped up in you! Butterflies are such an incredible transformation and you are a part of that!Keep it up Susie, you have so much to offer all of us!

[Susie Larson]

Dear Helen,

I just returned from Arkansas. I read your post on my phone but wasn't able to respond to it until now.Have you ever read Andrew Murray's "Waiting on God"?I think it's a word in due season for you right now.Just remember, God has you; His arms are around you; and He's not going to let you go.Guard your thoughts; keep your gaze fixed on Him; and don't forget that His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is GREAT.Bless you~

[Susie Larson]

Dear Kathy,

Thanks for so eloquently sharing your thoughts. And thanks for the book recommendation.I ordered it on Amazon today. :)Bless you!

[Susie Larson]

Rebecca,

The 'song' was something I wrote. It's not a song, really. Just an expression of my heart. :) More like a personal psalm.

Bless you~

[Rebecca]

Wow you never cease to amaze me!I ordered your book on Amazon.com last week. I'm hoping I get it before the 4th so I can read it up at the lake. I will defiantly write a review on it after I'm finished.

Happy 4th of July!!!

[Helen Martin]

Susie, I hope you enjoyed Arkansas--I'm sure Arkansas enjoyed you.

Leaving that comment was very emotional, and it took a long time. That was partly because I needed to get to the bottom of what I was thinking and feeling; but also, it took a while to get written in a way that wouldn't frighten you on my behalf. ;-)

I think I own the book, but don't know if I ever read it through... (Even if I did, it was about 18 years ago.)

Andrew Murray is in the public domain, thankfully, so I can read it online with a clean conscience (and avoid hunting for my copy in the hot and dusty attic).

I didn't remember it was a devotional, so that's even better! I wonder what I'll know in 31 days that escapes me today.

I'll tell you what happens...

[Susie Larson]

Cherie,How wonderful to hear from you!I was just thinking about you the other day.I'm still relishing the memory of my time in Indiana. You have such a vibrant, wonderful Body of Believers in your church. And the way you took care of me and loved me filled my cup and blessed me abundantly.Thank you, thank you.Peace to you, my sister.

[Susie Larson]

Carrie,

Thanks for your inspiration and encouragement!

You know, I thought of the butterfly picture you had for me last year.

Amazing how that process is such a spiritual one.

Bless you, dear!

[Susie Larson]

Dear Rebecca,

Thanks for ordering the book!

I so hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Have a blessed weekend.